disappointment and frustration

excuse the absence; husband was off work for the last few days so I feel a little weird talking to myself.

i hate to be so down-in-the-dumps so soon after my last mopey post, but it's tough. the army definitely does not set up a lifestyle that allows the spouses to follow their dreams - even as simple a dream as having a career i enjoy. i'd also ideally like to travel the world, or at least visit one other country in my lifetime, but there's no telling where we could get stationed down the line so the army might actually help with that one.

seriously, though. even with an understanding of economies and markets, it's incredible how depressing and frustrating job hunting can be. especially after nine weeks of searching, networking with the limited amount of people i know in our new duty station, and sending out at least 40 copies of my resume. i'm a little discouraged, to say the least.

and i don't want a job just for the money - although that would be nice, because we're not really living like rockstars over here, what with continued budget cuts leading to decreased pay and allowances for service members - i want a job for the purpose it gives me. i want a job so i can have a function. so i'm not just sitting here in this ugly blue recliner knitting and watching Netflix all day. because wasting away the days like that really, really sucks. this apartment feels like a prison and i can not wait to get the hell out of here. (and go where, a new prison? i really hope not.)

anyway. my poor husband has finally had enough of my funk and gave me a bit of a come-to-Jesus meeting last night. it's time to wrap my head around the possibility of not going back to work - not just right away, but if we decide to start a family, i won't be going back for a very long time. it's time to suck it up and realize that nearly every single military family makes it work with just one income, it's not the end of the world. i should just shut up and enjoy the fact that Husband makes enough money that we can actually afford for me to not go to work if i don't want to work at mcdonald's, or if i want to stay at home with our future child?

but how do i explain i want something more than being a stay at home mom? and what is the more that i want?